bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
