We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
