bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
