I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
