Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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