K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
