Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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