hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
