Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
