Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
