But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
