My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
