Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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