I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
