She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
