Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
