Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
