The maid of honor just puked.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
