Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
