I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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