Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
