The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
