He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
