She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
