id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
