Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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