dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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