if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
