Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize