dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
