Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
