I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
