How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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