i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
