I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
