Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
