Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
