my mouth tastes like poor choices
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
