You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
