why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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