I've blown a few things in my day
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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