I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize