my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
