And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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