I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
