you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
