Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
