woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
