I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
