What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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