put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
