I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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