I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
