tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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