I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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