Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
