My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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