I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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