sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My penis needs a shock collar
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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