I want to stick my p in your. b.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
