i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
