I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
