I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
