he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
