Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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