So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
