So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
