I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
