and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
