cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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