cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
